September 10, 2014

Abuse is not love, Mrs. Rice.

Let’s talk about this Ray Rice situation. Let me start by saying thank God he was released from the Ravens. Hopefully he is banned for life. I know there are a lot of bad people in the NFL – who are role models for our children – and it’s time to start making examples of them. I’m not saying every situation would deserve such penalty, but when the evidence is completely clear like this, penalty should be extreme….because that guy should be in jail. The NFL admits they didn’t handle it correctly, and they have since announced a new domestic violence and sexual abuse policy: a six-game suspension without pay for the first offense and a lifetime ban for a second offense. Goodell specified that these rules will apply to all NFL personnel, including executives and owners, not just players. A player who receives a lifetime ban can petition for reinstatement after one year. I can only hope that this helps, as there has been a TON of domestic violence in the NFL – and professional sports in general.

For those who haven’t paid attention, Ray Rice, a running back for the Baltimore Ravens, was suspended for two games after being seen dragging his unconscious then-fiance, now wife off of an elevator in February after a fight. No one really knew what happened, but most felt the punishment was too lenient and that the NFL (and the Ravens) failed to investigate sufficiently. Now video surfaced of the incident on the elevator, that the “NFL” somehow couldn’t get ahold of before (or didn’t try very hard). In short, they were arguing, she came at him, and he knocked her out.

EVEN IF it was just a reaction and he didn’t really mean it (as most abusers would claim), he clearly showed no concern for her when he dragged her off the elevator and eventually walked away once she was regaining consciousness. He didn’t even pretend to be sorry (and still has not publicly apologized to her, though he has apologized to many others). Actually, I think he was sorry…he was sorry that he got caught and suspended. He probably figured he was safe with the Ravens after his suspension because they don’t seem mind having criminals on the team, considering Ray Lewis murdered someone and eventually retired from the team.

The worst part of this situation, besides the actual abuse, is that she married him just a month later. It’s sad to think that she may have felt coerced…marrying him would show that they are “OK” and that the situation wasn’t so bad. Or like many domestic violence victims, maybe she just felt stuck, or that she deserved it, or that it was “normal” or that she was afraid, or that she didn’t feel like she deserved a better man, or one or more of the many reasons that victims stay with their abusers.

My question about the marriage, is how could her father walk her down the aisle and give her away to a man who punched her in the face just a month earlier? How could her family and friends attend a wedding and feel like things were going to be okay? Did anyone try to intervene? I know that they would have likely got married whether or not people supported the wedding, but did the people closest to her address their concerns (over and over) to her? Or did they just take her word for it that things were all good? Because victims tend to claim that things are just fine, or that it was their fault, or that it was an accident. They said they attended marriage counseling, but I have a hard time believing that a month of counseling could resolve this situation completely. It seems that they just swept it under the rug and went on with life.

The second worst part of the situation is that the media keeps showing the video over and over. So she has to relive this awful moment over and over. And everyone she knows (and doesn’t know) gets to see this terrible, private moment, over and over again. I don’t care about the effect that this has on Ray Rice – he’s a piece of garbage and doesn’t deserve to have his feelings considered. But it’s terrible for her – especially if things are all “OK” with their marriage as she claims. I hope she realizes that she didn’t deserve this and that she doesn’t have to take that from some who is supposed to love and protect her. I hope she realizes that she doesn’t have to apologize for “her role” in the situation. Regardless of “her role” in the situation, she didn’t deserve to be punched in the face like a man, by a man, and then be dragged out of the elevator without concern.

Here’s a quote from her: