Back to School: the pressure to conform starts young
I was reading through my Facebook feed on Saturday and I saw two different, but similar posts in two community groups from moms who were seeking advice about back to school clothing. They weren’t asking where to find the best deal or school dress code advice…they were asking what the “must-haves” are for clothing for middle schoolers (a 6th and 7th grader). The posts were innocent enough…the one was even quite sweet, as she explained that her daughter has special needs and one of the ways she tries to form a protective barrier around her is to give her a fabulous wardrobe. The other was just asking in general about what’s in (backpacks, locker deco, clothes, lunches, etc.). Initially I laughed because my mom wouldn’t have given a crap what was “in” for us. She let us pick things we liked, but only if it fit within the price she wanted to pay. Curious, I read some of the responses. And then I was sad.
Moms were giving advice on what specific brands they needed to buy and which they needed to avoid. One even said kids at her son’s school who wear Aeropostale get made fun of…and that GAP and Abercrombie are “out”. Another said don’t buy from Justice because everyone will know that she’s the oldest child (who cares?). Another commenter said that Justice was “in”. Hollister is in, kind of. And on and on. It was shocking that some of these parents intended go along with the very specific brand requirements that their kids thought they had to conform to – and not only go along with…but suggest it to other parents. The original posters didn’t even ask for brands specifically – they seemed be just looking for styles – like skirts, dresses, canvas shoes, etc. And a lot of commenters did give that sort of advice – just the styles their kids wanted to wear.
Getting made fun of for wearing certain brands (perfectly nice brands) just stuck with me. I know kids can be cruel, but it wasn’t like that when I was in school. Of course I always wanted the “in” brands, but I knew they weren’t always an option and it wasn’t that big of a deal. I just wanted particular styles, and if they had to be from a non-mall store, whatever. I still had hammerpants – even if they weren’t as nice as some of my friends. I don’t remember every being made fun of for not having particular brands, or caring whether anyone else wore “off” brands. Some of my best friends always shopped at the mall and wore the “in” brands, but they didn’t care whether or not I did. Fashion wasn’t something that made you popular. Style was a little different back then too. I remember the worst fashion crisis in middle school was when the school banned sweatpants because of too many people get depantsed. Everyone was upset and had to rethink their wardrobes. I guess that was the benefit of growing up in the country, versus where we live now in a wealthier suburb. This was a perfectly acceptable, even cool, outfit in middle school.
Happier times…before the sweatpants ban… 
I think there’s a difference between wanting your child to look nice and be able to wear similar clothing to their peers, but I was saddened that it could make or break a child’s self-esteem and peer relations in middle school, and that their parent’s seemed perfectly fine with that. I expect it to some degree in high school, but it just makes me sad that the pressure to conform is so important so early on now.
It absolutely makes me wish I was raising Jenson in simpler times…where every 4th grader didn’t have iPhones, and kids actually played like kids, instead of playing mindcraft on their phones or tablets, or whatever game they’ve all moved on to now, and when they wanted pictures of their friends instead of taking thousands of selfies each week.
But then again, what do I know…I still don’t care that much about fashion and am never really “in style”. It may be best if I only have boys…