Outward appearances: I don’t have it all together

I have a couple of friends who are convinced that I have “it all together” and they “don’t know how I do it all”. It’s all smoke and mirrors folks.  I guess they just never see me at my worst (ask Lo!).  Funny enough, we were walking some trails this weekend with our babies in strollers and I happened to have a light blanket to keep the sun off of Lela, and a hat to keep the sun out of Braxton’s eyes (most of the trail was in the shade).  So those things only solidified their thoughts – BUT I explained that several times Lo and I have left the house with Jenson without a blanket (for nursing or coverup) or a hat – so I’m just extra careful to make sure I have those things with me now (and keep spares in the car). They still argued that I’m always prepared and collected.  Outward appearances can be pretty different than what’s going on, and I can promise that I don’t usually feel as “collected” as I sometimes seem. So here are just a few things that have already happened this week that prove otherwise.

One evening after I put Jenson to bed, Lo asked if I was going to walk Boof (he was securing our cube shelf to the wall). I think he “may” have been joking (because he usually walks her), but I was like “whatever, fine” because she was on my heels all evening waiting for her walk.  We don’t always take her right after work in the summertime when it’s too hot for her, since her breed gets overheated easily.  It was cool out and just getting to be dusk and I figured it may be nice to walk and listen to podcasts/blog posts.  Nice, it was not.  When we got out the door I started trying to plug my headphones into my phone, holding the leash (not looped on my wrist) and my headphones in one hand, and my phone in the other, and Boof took off in a sprint.  I assumed she saw something and would run for 10 yards and then stop, so I just tried to hang on to the leash and my stuff.  I was wearing flip flops, sweatpants that are a little loose, and a nursing bra (ie, not supportive) under my tshirt.  We got a block and I realized she was NOT chasing something…she just wanted to RUN.  My sweats were falling down and I tried to slow her down, but she was running like she was a sled dog in Iditarod, and she just started crying and kept trying to yank me faster, which made it harder to hold on to my stuff.  I was finally able to loop her leash on my wrist, and shift my phone to the hand with headphones dangling, and hold up my sweats with my other hand.  We ran for 3 more blocks like this, with me flapping in my flops and holding up my pants.  And kind of laughing and yelling at her at the same time.  I’m so glad it was dark by then.  Luckily she saw another dog and slowed down so she could bark at him like an ahole.  (she thinks she’s tough stuff in the ‘hood, and she’s one of the smaller dogs – I think it’s because all of her other dog friends are tiny).  She finally had to poop, so I shoved my phone in my bra and wrapped my headphones around my wrist so I could carry her poop bag.  She kind of still wanted to run after that, but I was able to get her to mostly walk on the way back home so I didn’t have to hold up my sweats.  My hips were already sore from lots of walking on the weekend, and my ankles were aching from running in flip flops on incredibly uneven sidewalks.  I was pretty much thinking “I’m never walking her again” the whole time.  But honestly, if I was prepared and wearing appropriate attire for running with her, it would be great because usually she’s SO slow on our walks.  I think she was just excited take her walk when it was cooler and dark.  Before I got pregnant and in my early pregnancy, I used to walk her when we got home from work, and it was usually dark because it was wintertime.  She would often run a bit on our walks – especially if it was snowy – and I loved it.  So, I’m not walking her again unless it’s cool and dark, and I’m wearing running shoes, pants that fit, a sportsbra, and my running band for my phone.  Or it’s a family walk.

What, you don’t love to walk me?!

I thawed out a nice piece of salmon to make for dinner on Monday. I started throwing together a “recipe” for asian glaze to put on it, only to realize that the recipe called for hoisin sauce, which I had none of. So I just threw all of the asian-type stuff we had in a saucepan (soy sauce, Chinese mustard, garlic chili sauce, ginger, garlic, and brown sugar) and had Lo taste…it was gross.  I added some BBQ sauce and rice wine vinegar and let it simmer to thicken, and it turned out pretty tasty!  However, upon unwrapping the salmon, I realized it still had the pin bones in it!  I don’t know what to do with pin bones – I thought the seafood counter removed them!  I started pulling them out but was afraid I wouldn’t get them all, so I started cutting it into pieces so I could feel for bones and cut off the skin.  It turned out to be quite the hack job.  So it was ugly, but it tasted pretty good – even Jenson approved.  I shredded his up into little piece just in case I missed any bones.  So that nice piece of salmon ended up like this…

After Jenson went to bed, I threw together a Mexican casserole of sorts to bake the next night for dinner. I just dumped everything in a casserole dish – using up leftover and frozen stuff that I was getting tired of looking at (rice, lentils, beans, taco meat, corn salsa, spinach, who knows what else).  The next day I thought it may need some sort of sauce, so I thought I’d make up some sort of white enchilada sauce using cream cheese.  Instead, it turned into mac and cheese sauce.  So then I had to make pasta for the sauce.  I gave up on the casserole and just threw a bunch of shredded cheese in it.  They both turned out pretty well, and that took care of dinners and lunches for the rest of the week.

I wish I had style or cared enough to buy stylish clothes. I’m always envious of others who look so pulled together all the time. Instead, I felt it was perfectly acceptable to go to the grocery store at 9:30 p.m. on Wednesday wearing my Adidas capri sweats (that I have to keep pulling up because they fall down; see above..same pants, different day), and a Marine t-shirt that I considered changing because it had wet spots from nursing Jenson (distracted nurser!), but the spots dried before I left, so I decided I didn’t need to change it because they weren’t visible. I know…that’s gross. Sorry! The good thing is the grocery store is pretty empty at that time, so the only people whom I wasn’t impressing were the construction workers who were remodeling. Also, this remodeling made the shopping take an extra 30 minutes to try to find where they moved everything temporarily. It took me 3 tries and probably 15 minutes to find string cheese, and then I had to go behind this heavy clear tarp thing (think Dexter kill-room tarps) to pick it out. I pretty much had to “back myself into a cheese corner” (my favorite overheard line ever while at Trader Joe’s one day). But the string cheese was 50% off, so it was totally worth it! String cheese is never on sale like that, and we love it. Still…I looked like a slob.

And I’ve failed to get to bed earlier than 12:45 any night this week and am 3 weeks behind my photo roundups and 6 months behind on photo album. (I take too many pictures!!!)

So….just because I “seem” like I have it together, believe me…I don’t. I try to make the best of things, and just let the other stuff roll off.  I try not to be a Debbie Downer and constantly complain about the crappy things that happen, because life is pretty good.  The thing I struggle most with is getting things done, and I know that eventually someone important will decide that days are actually supposed to be 26 hours long, instead of 24…and I’ll get caught up on stuff.